The upcoming FIFA World Cup 2026™ got me thinking about the dynamics and transformations that happen when individuals come together to accomplish something extraordinary.
Think right now about a time you’ve been on a team that’s done something great. You’re probably smiling at this moment.
When I do this exercise in my workshops and ask people to describe that experience, the word that comes up most often is “magical.”
So where does that magic come from?
Perhaps the greatest college basketball coach ever was John Wooden.
His unparalleled winning record came from the relationships he fostered with his players.
Former player Bill Walton credits his time playing under Wooden as life-changing: “He was a masterful psychologist…. He knew how to get people to play better than they could actually play.”
Successful leaders in business also achieve great things with their teams by re-framing their view of their role from just managing to also include coaching. This is done in two steps, the first of which is the mindset of the leader.
Mindset
Mindset starts with understanding the difference between managing and coaching.
Managing (or supervising) is short term and transactional, with a focus on problems, and is directive in nature.
In contrast, coaching (or leading) has a long-term and strategic view, with a focus on people, and is developmental in nature.
Managers keep things moving. Coaches help others unlock their potential.
In my work with EOS® clients, I emphasize the importance of both. For bosses at all levels. Most of us do well with keeping things moving; it’s the leading/coaching side that is often de-prioritized.
For this I suggest pondering the four most important questions that no one asks but everyone wants answered, from psychotherapist Katherine Schafler:
1. Do you see me?
2. Do you care that I’m here?
3. Am I enough for you, or do you need me to be better in some way?
4. Can I tell that I’m special to you by the way that you look at me?
Touchy-feely psychobabble?
Consider this: At this very moment, as you read this, perhaps you can’t help but think about how you’ve been answering these unasked questions for someone special in your life.
Or perhaps you’re thinking about how these questions are being answered for you, in one of your relationships.
This is heavy stuff. And I believe it’s totally appropriate to apply to work, if you’re really serious about engaging and developing people so that collectively you achieve better
results.
Why do dog lovers love dogs so much? Because dogs answer these four questions for us with a resounding “Hell Yes!” almost every day, don’t they?
How would your direct reports answer these questions about their relationship with you as their boss?
The second step in adding a leading/coaching element to your role is to learn to be truly curious.
Curiosity
The challenge here is that our society rewards having answers. In most organizations the people who have the answers are usually the ones who rise to the top.
Combine this with the ego boost that naturally comes from being sought out for answers and advice, it’s easy to see how learning to be truly curious while coaching employees is one of the hardest behavior changes to make for most of the leaders I work with.
The best curiosity-based coaching happens in a one-to-one meeting between the boss and the employee.
I first learned about the secret powers of one-to-ones when I worked at P&G. In my work today, some 20+ years later, I consistently find that regular one-to-ones is the most overlooked and underestimated tool in most leaders’ toolbox.
There are four key ingredients to great one-to-ones with your direct reports that will help you to stop managing and start coaching.
First, they are scheduled and kept, at least quarterly and for 60-90 minutes per employee. If you don’t have time for this, you might want to re-examine your priorities (and also your suitability for any management position).
Second, they’re focused on the employee’s needs and agenda, not yours. Good one-to-ones are about long-term growing of humans, not short-term solving of problems.
Some of that is bound to bubble up sometimes, for sure. It’s your job as the leader to get it back on track.
Third, good one-to-ones are inquiry-based. You can strengthen your inquiry/curiosity muscle by asking more questions and giving fewer answers.
Then, as author/speaker Michael Bungay Stanier says, tame your Advice Monster. Translation: Shut. Your. Mouth.
Especially when it’s obvious to you what the “right” answer is. Let the silence to the heavy lifting. You’ll have a remarkably different outcome to your one-to-ones with more asking and less telling.
Finally, good one-to-ones conclude with locking in the growth, which comes from reflection, learning, and accountability. You do this by ending each one-to-one with a simple question: “What was most useful for you, from our conversation today?”
Research published in Harvard Business Review in 2000 by Daniel Goleman suggested that there are six essential leadership styles. Coaching was one of them and was shown to have significant impact on business results. If improving your business is important to you, then keep managing and add a strong coaching habit to your repertoire.
You’ll be glad you did.